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James unrustled [04 Jan 2013|03:56am]
It's interesting to me the things that catch my attention these days. It's certainly unlike any of the things that have caught my attention most of my life. In fact I have been so effected by greed, and sense of apathy of most people, the common ignorance of self centered worship humans celebrate in my years that it's a new and like almost surreal feeling to actual feel like something might have shifted and maybe there is another side to people. Or at least some people, ANYONE who isn't just out to serve themselves. Let me tell you I am no innocent in these regards. In fact I just helped myself to an entire Snickers bar with almonds and it was beyond gratifying. But people just seem to take whatever it is in any moment that they need regardless of who is hurt by their actions. But lately I have focused on this about 15% of the time as opposed to 90% of the time. I think for two reasons. One, I am working on accepting that not everyone will choose to find the same priorities in their lives as I find in mine. Two, I've actually encountered like minded people who struggle with the same shit, lament over their place in goodness while still being flawed, and feel this rapture of grief for the failure in our collective acknowledgment. I tend to spend a lot of time with the types most would call hippies, and while they spill their guts and it's all mumbo-jumbo and tom foolery to my ears, I actually feel like I;m on more common ground when they simply discuss our responsibility to each other as humans. I've been keeping this journal now since 1999 (14 yrs?) wow and I think I've talked aboiut that the entire time. So, yeah it's really funny though how some of these types are so quick to tell you how they function on some higher plane and are so "expanded" or whatever and they are like some of the most incredibly unhappy people you could ever meet. I do however have one friend who actually is, if you fucking ask me, the true definition of enlightened. The guy is in a perpetual good mood. And while you might cringe as he tells you about the 8 circuit model and judge him, this guy thinks so much about everyone else's feelings, but is never confused about his own, and yeah... sure, maybe it takes him three hours to start his daily functions you know after he checks his ethermail, but the dude is like the happiest person I have ever known. He has light beams shooting out of his frontal lobe and stuff, like cannot be taken down by anything less than a ton of bricks. Which as you may have guessed weighs an actual ton. So it just goes to show you that when he is being silly and quotes Al Pacino in Scarface saying, "Take it easy!" there's actually like several layers of true advice behind it and you only see that he's telling you those extra things if you look for it. Otherwise, you might just get the wrong idea and easily think he's just some dumb kid who is trying to be cool, not a genius sending you a message.

do yourself in

are you here, now? [18 Dec 2012|07:32am]
It's funny how the keys for volume on a mac are so obvious yet I still push the wrong one to mute commercials. "Hey! Have you not been fully programed today to stay afraid?! Well, let me offer you random influence to pursue your consumerism this direction! Stay Afraid!" The figurative "they" proves it's preferred you "stay afraid" with the vast volume increase of the programming after set normal audio to whatever you cognitively chose to lend your attention. That's probably why I get all flustered and forget how to combine agility and simple motor skills.

I've only been single for ten months which actually sounds like a long time... if you've never been with someone for 4 years and completely in love with a one that loves you even greater yet only compliments ten percent of what makes you you, not to mention how poorly you match to them. And if you're the type to hang up resentment it might be hard to face the truest fact that being horribly matched does not make a one a bad (guilty, suspect or at fault in any way) individual. And maybe if you're gracious enough you can swiftly surmise that a one always meant everything they said, always wanted to find bliss, and hoped as dearly as you that it would be together. True love is sometimes an elusive prank, a trick even, and it doesn't make anyone the bad guy, but when the curtain closed on opening night and it takes years to figure that out you realize that love played an elaborate prank at your expense. When the joke is on you it's not so funny. But somehow you press on, you open yourself up, and if you're really risky you can find someone new worth caring about. I've found a new piece to a better part of me before I thought I was ready for so much organic bliss. I know the relief from the misery I was living in denial has much to do with my happiness this past seven months but the elation finding a more elaborate piece than I thought could exist is a rapture. I almost dropped the L bomb on this relatively new interest through drawsomething today, how effing modern. My mother is always telling me such weird shit like, "Never tell a man that you love him first." but I'm like, whatttttttthoughhh, but really WHY? Actually it causes hesitation despite my wonder. I used to believe it was important not to reveal my feelings first! Until I realized most of my exes are married to the girl they were with after me. Not that it has actual relevance, but I did recognize it and faced the fact that I might want to reevaluate these unnatural conducts. My final conclusion is something like so, I started out in the crazy game of love (oh so young and so so many times) just being myself and that didn't work great, and then later yet still a long time ago I tried to be someone I'm not and that has worked even less well. But, they say if you don't like a food you should try it again after 7 years because your entire body changes including your taste buds. So, I most definitely had to become a much improved version of myself by now. It's super hard to change or ignore critical parts of yourself and you can only keep up appearances temporarily. I'm a professional delusionist when I want to believe I've found a one that is built just so just for me, but this one smiles and want to yell those words right into his gloriously smirking face hole. It's nearly slipped out about seven times. Am I actually supposed to be convicted in or even capable of resisting such urges?? It's certainly not a choice inside me, why should I refrain from making it audible? I actually feel like celebrating because I'm still even capable of feeling this new and wonderful thing. On the other hand, I'm waiting somewhere between, "Am I going to lose my resilience if I'm mistaken?" and an unusually repetitive resounding and assured, "I just know. Resilience is the past. The familial plateau was a weird hiatus after all." So color me obvious. I just wanna be happy half the time and blue only when I have the time.

What I'm sure of, that which is absolute, I have learned to have a more sufficient instinct just who is worth risking my resilience on.

In three days from now it's today's Y2K, in such that if the world doesn't end... the entire format will undergo some critical revisions. I just hope that I've been consciously preparing to the effect that my current state of contentment isn't altered. A one could come close to calling me happy.
2 done for| do yourself in

Lifes Lessons ⇓ [10 Oct 2011|04:39pm]
Screen shot 2011-10-10 at 4.30.51 PM

When you live with someone messy, assuming they aren't going anywhere, and you simply get tired of their lack of consideration for a hard days work to make life nicer.... stop cleaning.

Then when they have forgotten that you cleaned every week for an entire day for months on end and they finally spend one day on one room in the place... maybe they'll leave you a note. Maybe this note will say something to the effect of, "I worked really hard on cleaning this, can we please try to keep it nice." to which you get to (after cursing them out loud with a classic taste of your own medicine) respond saying that was always since the beginning of time always the rule all along, honey." Figs and berries for all! Leaving you with the upper hand in home management.

Now you just have to let them take the lead on all the other rooms one at a time and you are the ruler of your domain once again. Patience truly is a virtue.
do yourself in

listen you, such-and-such... [08 Jul 2011|04:23pm]
This and that, and I'll give you what-for, you little soandso.

It's all good, and that's what's what.

- -
do yourself in

I blame Tina Fey [30 Mar 2011|12:58pm]
I was watching the news and realized Jonathan Fuller would be an amazing weather man character. As Jonny Unstoppable, only in a suit. I imagine him saying things like, "Goodevening comrads, whatitdo." And when he told you to check out his "doppler" (air quotes) he would gesture to a map with all kinds of flashing arrow nonsense. Ridiculous. Before I thought of a clever sign off I was distracted by something funny about lottery balls which I forgot.
1 done for| do yourself in

[15 Mar 2011|05:36pm]
I'm having a life crisis.

When you tell someone to calm down, will they do that?


I'm not very serious
You want me to be straight
I'm not out of time
But you think I'm too late
I'm not feeling desperate
You think I can't wait

Somehow you always get me wrong
Somehow you always
take things wrong
Somehow you always get me wrong
Well I guess we just
don't get along

You always go to sleep
When I stay up all night
You say I'm wrong
When I'm thinkin' you're alright
I just wanna talk things over
You just wanna fight

You leave me broken
And you don't realize
Everything is O.K.
And then you apologize
The things that
really matter to me
They just pass you by

It's my birthday in a week. Yay me.
2 done for| do yourself in

what a shame. [04 Feb 2011|04:18pm]

so strange that I happened to notice this tiny old brown building only a few days ago in a cab ride to work, thinking what an amazing little Bohemian Shanty. It stands out much more after the Hotel was erected, but somehow I only just noticed it. Now that I live in Manhattan I decided to pick up for the first time a copy of East Villager. The front page happens to be about 35 Cooper Square and how the Cooper Union hotel is going to tear it down, because the Landmarks douches say it doesn't meet the criteria to be considered historical. I just don't see how with it's rich 186 years. The amount of celebrities involved in it's businesses and rentals is pretty amazing. Liza Manelli lived there in the 60's! The original structure is just on the other side of a little stucco. Even so, when the owners of the property are putting up puke like this all around it, isn't it already a little ruined?

do yourself in

beer to say [11 Jul 2010|06:32pm]
so to speak.

So I was thinking about how I'm always invited on facebook to these NYC events called "Flil†h" and "PSYCHOTIC REACTION" and it reminds me of a time when my favorite band was called, "I Hate Myself"

I went to see Lady Gaga last week and I know it will shame you to hear that I thought the show was worth the money and time (not that I spent money) because the woman has talent. However, finding out afterwards from her guitarist and friend of a friends word of mouth that her success in electronic music was born out of excessive delving into "whatever-will-make-me" dulls the excitement I got from her adrenaline bliss to practically nil. The words used on both accounts are, "She tried everything else before this, she's all rock and roll, but this is the first thing that worked. "Worked." Don't you mean, "Paid?" I get loving all different types of music. What I don't get is not giving a damn about the integrity. I saw something I recognized when she cried at the end of her encore, she has a passion, but I am also certain that she could be developing as a song writer, which would be to her (and our) benefit, if she'd stuck with what meant something to her. She is no Billy Joel. Yet. But with this garbage in her way she's never gonna be. In the mean time it's hard to respect her love for merely performing when it's mostly ear garbage. I want to see more from people that have that kind of drive. Like, use this time to get known and then do a Ben Folds meets Tori Amos "I-do-what-the-fuck-I-like" career. Please?
do yourself in

something is seriously wrong with me. [13 May 2010|02:43pm]
I have to repeat to myself like a mantra, "Do your best job. Be honest. Be polite."

I seriously have to repeat it over and over to remember this advice. Shouldn't that just be normal to always do your best job at anything and to be honest as well as polite??

I am so weird. And then wax all high horsey about integrity 24/7... hhhwhhhat?
who do i think?
do yourself in

it takes two to make the thing go righeet [13 May 2010|01:19pm]
What is the term for a renewed situation that is totally different than it was before, yet simultaneously completely the same.

Well, guess what..it probably ends the same the second time. How often do you hear success stories about homeless people turning their lives around to become successful humans in society with a positive attitude. Let me see...I've never heard that story before. I guess if you just suck at something, i.e. life, the best thing to do is just accept this and continue suffering on a sub-scale rather than pursuing the grandiose, which comes with greater and more long lasting negative side effects.

Nasty repercussions aside, I feel brave to know this and continue.

Also, I think my new job might eat my entire life outside of it. I think it's been gnawing like my social life is beef jerky. It's like a dog bone, you notice it gets smaller and smaller and then suddenly it's just gone.
Read also: My twenties.
do yourself in

LJ near you [03 May 2010|10:39pm]
This post will soon be made for Shelly Richards, thank you, good night.
do yourself in

Opposite Day [03 May 2010|08:32am]
I was not only told the wrong location to start my first day with this company, but also told the the wrong time. Three hours before I was supposed to be there. This is probably a good example of what it's going to be like working for this company. It's a good thing I plan on making it a second home because otherwise with these kinds of mix ups I would be frustrated all the time. It's unfortunate that I lost out on an extra two hours of sleep, but it's also to my advantage to have gotten up this early so I can get used to the hours. After all, these are the new hours I will be working. Sometimes even earlier than 7 am, so, it will take some adjusting.

As far as the rest of my life goes, it's pretty much over, which has to be remembered by me. When people invite me to do things on weeknight I must simply say no. Be at home by 8pm and in bed by nine at the latest. I can do this. I welcome my new life.
2 done for| do yourself in

[29 Apr 2010|05:11pm]
You are mean Computer
do yourself in

[20 Apr 2010|12:05pm]

Apparently this happens sometimes.

I would not know how to handle this.
2 done for| do yourself in

[20 Apr 2010|11:00am]
5.0 in 41:12
do yourself in

[19 Apr 2010|04:43pm]
I need to stop trusting anyone but myself.
Me against the world. Why can't I remember to think that way?

do yourself in

Crucial Costume [30 Mar 2010|05:08pm]
I must admit that after all the benefits you gain from working in the film business; the most rewarding of all is simply being able to say that’s what you do. The statement, “I work in film.” possesses infinite power. The Entertainment Industry is a fascinating field to be employed in to those who understand its inner workings as well as to those that do not. Odds are at any given party more than half of the guests loathe their jobs and another ten percent feel they are not earning enough money. Most Americans give up seventy to eighty percent of their lives for their careers, so it’s extremely lucky to find something you actually enjoy doing to occupy that massive chunk of time as well as finding legitimate compensation in wages. The subject matter isn’t exactly boring either. In a very small way I have a say in what entertains the public so I can usually find a way to keep someone’s attention on the topic, even if the listener lacks interest. When you’re talking to someone like myself with a great passion for every aspect of the business it’s very easily contagious. I get excited just saying it. I am a costumer.

In some ways wardrobe was always home to me. My Mother had already been working as a Costumer for over ten years when I moved to Orlando to be closer to her and attend college. Before I even enrolled in my classes she frequently reminded me how much fun we always had working together when I was younger and sometimes she invited me to assist her on gigs. Now that I was close enough to work with her, I could make significant income doing so. I hated my job, I disliked my courses, I was more than often completely broke, and I knew something big was missing from my life so it was really only a matter of time before I inevitably answered my calling. I finally accepted that it isn’t necessary to be part of the seventy to eighty percent of the miserably employed. I found that it’s possible to find purpose and fulfillment in the right career. I had a beautiful opportunity staring me right in the face, and had I not seized it I doubt I would have ever found contentment.

Over the years I’ve found more than just personal, professional and monitorial gratification in this line of work. I’ve been emotionally inspired in so many ways that it would be impossible to list them all, but one example of the most rewarding short term aspects I experienced was while working for Nickelodeon. I was specifically the Costumer to our elated child contestants to be on a kid’s network game-show. When I was little myself there was a show called Double Dare which was the basis of the show I was working on. I always dreamed of being on that show and getting slimed, but even though I never was able, I later got something even better. Sharing every day what each new group of kids were experiencing, the thrill of being on live television and getting slimed was one of the greatest benefits I’ve ever taken away from a job and it was realized daily. One of my greatest long term achievements came to fruition long after I was through working on the project. I was asked to work some of the prep-days to tech and age some clothes for a movie that would much later be nominated for almost thirty academy awards. Half of which we won. I say we won although the costume department wasn’t awarded at that particular time because every aspect of film so greatly affects all of its other components that it’s as a crew we are all recognized. I know how crucial my work was to the final product. The movie, about a terrifying murderess that they named the film Monster after, simply would have been a different product all together had she adorned brightly colored grandma sweaters instead of tattered old filthy clothes. Her costumes played an enormous roll in chilling the audience in this case. In many ways costumes can drastically play characters all on their own. You wouldn’t want the actors in a Victorian period piece wearing American Apparel, and the more accurate their wardrobe is, the less explanation is necessary for the audience to believe and understand the plot.

We watch films to escape our daily lives. We seek most facets of entertainment for that reason and it’s a necessary means to coping with daily stress. The idea is mainly to be able to fall right into the story and get lost in it. In many ways costumes tell the details of the story before anything else. You can depict just by the actors clothing what era it takes place, the location of where you are, and possibly personality traits of the character you are watching. With these elements in place in mere moments you can find yourself lost in the narrative, not even realizing half of what you already know about the story you learned from the wardrobe.
5 done for| do yourself in

[16 Mar 2010|03:10am]
do yourself in

[05 Mar 2010|06:52am]
While I was doing karaoke I dropped a dozen loads of, "That's what she said." and at Adam Schere's suggestion, I incorporated a few, "That's not what I heard."

But this is something that I did hear through lj:

< {weird} lj-cut n/a] ]


< {end weird un*thing} ? />

can we please talk about " ibearfalsewitness" please?
OKAY>>> The english language is totally effed because verbs should not be three things in one.

VERBS = ANARCHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alright though, faux realz...
People are so gross!!!!!!!

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HUMANS!!!!!!!! Why can't I just be normal?!?
You creatures make zero sense!
3 done for| do yourself in

Smell that everyone? That's the scent of a major burn! [03 Mar 2010|02:25pm]
I am so torn between laughing and crying right now. I auditioned to become a karaoke host a week ago and got the gig, I was so excited because they held auditions the entire month of February. The day I came in to learn the equipment happened to be a busy Saturday. I checked the website that day and every other day had already been updated with Karaoke Host pictures, but they had me guest host for over an hour that night so I felt great about it. The following Monday was my night, and it was emphasized that the more people I bring out, the more likely they are to ask me to host again. I truly tried my hardest to get people to come out, but 4 people showed up so I ended up singing most of the songs. I felt comfortable with the equipment and had a really good time being up there, but when I left he said, "If Alex does call you to host again..." to which I stupidly responded, "Oh that's where we are?" but come on! It takes time to build up clientele!! And it's Monday! I invited about fifty people, I only needed a quarter of them to come out, but it's Monday and it's midtown so I get it, it's hard.

But the real kicker in this is that I just came across a posting for this gig saying they were holding auditions for the entire month of March. Not only was it posted the day I hosted, but WHILE I was hosting!!! Wow.

It's not as though karaoke host is my ultimate goal, but did they have to post that ad while I was on stage? BUUUUUUUUURRRRRN.
do yourself in

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